Stress in the Family

There are many stressors or crises that occur within the family. Although these are bound to occur within each family, it is possible to overcome them. It may be challenging, but if you work hard at it with your family, it is possible that your family will become stronger and develop a closer relationship.

In the Chinese language, the word Crisis is spelled out in two characters: Danger and Opportunity. Thinking about these two words for dealing with a crisis in the family, they relate well. DANGER can relate to the trial leading to a broken family - a divorce, a child becoming disowned, etc., while OPPORTUNITY can relate to the trial as being an opportunity to become stronger as a family and develop a closer relationship.

I have had a couple of family crises in my family, and they could have been a danger, but we decided to make the trial an opportunity to become a closer family, and work through it together. Sure, it was hard to overcome the trial and work together, but my family is definitely closer and stronger today. We were able to come out of the trial as stronger and better people.

Coping, or overcoming, with a challenge in the family may be difficult, but I have learned of a few ways to NOT cope and ways TO cope when challenges arise in the family. In my textbook for my family relations class, Marriage & Family: A Quest for Intimacy, by Robert and Jeanette Lauer, it gives 3 ways of "ineffective coping patters" (p. 301-302).

1. Denial (denying the issue);
2. Avoidance (avoiding the issue); and 
3. Scapegoating, or blaming (blaming someone for the issue (i.e.an alcoholic parent drinking because a child is misbehaving)).

 The textbook also gives 5 ways of "effective coping patterns" (p. 302-304):

1. Take responsibility (this sometimes involves confrontation);
2. Affirm you own and your family's worth ("you may have to remind yourself that you and your family are people with strengths and the capacity to cope effectively" (p. 303));
3. Balance self-concern with other-concern (focus on others instead of yourself);
4. Learn the art of re-framing (redefining the meaning of something); and
5. Find and use available resources (emotional support, religious beliefs, books, etc.). 

Learning these ways to cope and to not cope, will hopefully help me in the future when other family stressors or crises arise.