You Were NOT Born This Way

Same-sex attraction is not about sex; it's about intimacy. 

There are many individuals who believe that they were BORN with same-sex attractions. This is not true. There has been no research that has been found or proven to show that there is a "gay part" in the human brain. Sure, there may be traits that individuals have that may lead someone to believing that a certain individual is different, but this does not mean that someone is a homosexual.

Too often, a male is categorized as being "gay" because he likes to be around girls and feels more comfortable around them. Or, a male may grow up being more creative and artsy than growing up loving to play sports and being aggressive. Having these traits may make the boy different in the eyes of his peers, but it does not mean that he is automatically interested in males.

       This week in class, I learned that many individuals believe that they are homosexual due to experiences they had as a child. For instance, males who later determine themselves as "gay" may have had an overly-involved mother. If this was the case, a boy may feel uncomfortable around girls because of how his relationship was with his mom.
       Another example is if a boy didn't have a father role in the home while he was growing up. Having a father role in the house is very important in the life and development of a young boy. If there was no father figure in the house, males will often look for acceptance, support, and friendship from their male peers.
       This may freak some boys out when another boy tries to develop a close friendship with them. But, the boy is just trying to have a male figure in his life. It is sad that when someone acts differently, many of his or her peers will categorize him or her as a homosexual. Once that stereotype is said enough to the individual who is a little different, he may start thinking that he is gay or she may believe that she is a lesbian.

         After that is said enough to individuals, it is very possible that they will start acting on those feelings that have been "placed in their heads". Camilla Paglia once said,  

"There is an element of choice in all behavior, sexual or otherwise". 

So, being someone that has same-sex attractions is a choice. It is also a choice to ACT on those feelings. It is encouraging to know that there have been individuals who have had a complete recovery from having homosexual attractions. No longer being attracted to the same gender is entirely possible!! This gives me great hope for those who are struggling with those same-sex feelings. 

My professor said that he was looking at a blog once and there was a comment that said,

"To any of those gay couples, there are two women who will never be able to have a family." 

So now I ask you: Will you be someone who will withhold another from the opportunity of having a family? I truly hope not. I believe you can have complete recovery if you can gain enough courage to take the first step and stop it.

Males & Females: We are Different

Males and females each have different roles that pertain to their specific gender. For instance: 

Males	Females
Provider for the family	Nurturer of the family
Presides over the family	More service oriented
Protect & defend the family	Emotionally Intelligent: females are more emotionally aware of others
Support
Equal Partners

As you can see, there are different roles that each gender is known for, but BOTH genders are to support each other and their children and to be equal partners in a relationship. 

There are other differences between males and females. These differences are the traits that each gender is more likely to be known for. For instance: 

Males	Females
More aggressive	More emotionally aware
Spatial oriented: better at seeing things in 3D (video games)	Communication: females tend to communicate more than males
Task oriented: males typically only focus on one thing at a time	Relationship oriented: females are more concerned about other people

 
Sure there are some female traits that males can have and vice versa, but these are the typical traits that will be seen in order to differentiate between males and females. 

Cla$$ & Culture: was it worth it?

Every person in this world has had a different family experience. Whether families are wealthy, poor, large or small, religious or not, every family is raised differently. Every family is different due to their specific social class and culture as well. This week in Family Relations, we focused on the affects a specific social class and culture has on a family.

One day, we did a role play of a Hispanic family immigrating to America. We learned that the main reason families from Mexico or other countries immigrate to America is so that their children can have a better life. There are so many families that are separated for years just so that they can bring their children to America. Usually the father would leave the country to go to America. I never realized this, but in order for the fathers to get to America, they have to do it illegally. I guess it costs about $4,000 to just get ONE person across the border legally. That was amazing to me. No wonder there are so many people that hop the border.

So, once a father is safely across the border, he then has to find a place to work and live. After spending 2 or 3 years (or longer) apart from his family, he might have enough money to bring his family into America. But, his family can only travel with enough possessions that they can carry. They don't have enough money to bring all of their possessions into America. That would also be very hard. I've thought of things that I would bring if I had to leave the house quickly, but I would be allowed to have a small bag to carry everything. Those that are crossing the border don't have that privilege.

Once a family is reunited in America, the family is very different. Since they have been apart for so long, the children have grown up, and they may not relate or feel comfortable around their father anymore. This would be hard for a family to be apart for so long and then they are finally reunited and they don't feel like a family. Usually, the children have learned to take on different responsibilities and rely on their mom. Now they have a dad back in the picture, and they don't know how to react to that.

It is also very normal for the mom to start working once the family gets to America. Many immigrants will also live in a cheaper part of town because, even though the father was working for so long to earn money, it still costs a lot more in America than it did in the country they're originally from.

There are many instances that immigrants are asked, "Was it worth it?"
Many times you will usually get a response like, "Yes, because my children will have a better life than I did."

What do you think? Would it be worth it to risk your family relationship in order to have your children have a better life?

Theroies In The Family

There are 4 specific theories that relate to the family:
 
Family Systems Theory is when you look at the family as a whole. Every family member has a specific role in the family (i.e. the peacemaker, the comforter, the rebel, etc.). If a family loses one of the members of their family, the family wouldn't be the same. In a way, families are like cakes. When you bake a cake, each ingredient has a specific purpose. For example, baking powder determines if a cake rises or not. If you leave the baking powder out of the cake mixture, the cake will not be the same. So, if a family member leaves his or her family, or is not a part of it anymore, the family will not be the same.

 

Exchange Theory focuses on the costs vs. benefits within a relationship.When a relationship will cost more than it will benefit an individual, then it is possible that the relationship will not last very long. But, if a relationship benefits an individual more than it costs him or her, then the relationship will thrive.





 
Symbolic Interaction Theory is when individuals in a relationship interpret gestures differently. An example of this could be when a husband and wife try to show their love for each other. The husband may show his love through buying gifts for his wife, but his wife wasn't raised that way, so she thinks that he is trying to "show off" to everyone that they have all the money in the world because she is always receiving gifts. 



Conflict Theory refers to when there are conflicts within the family and once a conflict occurs, some families may change for the better or for the worse. Conflicts may involve money challenges, unfaithful spouses, wavering children, etc. If a couple has more things in common then there will be less conflict between them.

The Modern Family

This week in class we were discussing the trends that are common in family life. For example, divorce, birth rates, employed mothers, and delayed marriage. Over the years, these few trends have been increasing or decreasing in size. One day in class we had a guest teacher and he shared an analogy about trends in family life and how they have changed overtime. He related the trends to television shows over the decades. For example:

• I Love Lucy (1950), the trend was having a nuclear family: the mother stayed home and the father went to work. 
• The Brady Bunch (1960), the trend was not divorce: two families came together because the spouses died - they did not get divorced. 
• The Cosby Show (1980), the trend was to be an employed mother: by this time it was acceptable for the mother and the father to have a career.
• Friends (1990), the trend was cohabitation: the group of friends would date one another and live with them.
• Gilmore Girls (2000), the trend was unmarried mothers & premarital sex: the mom had her daughter when she was a teenager and raised her as a single mother. 
• Modern Family (2010), today most of the trends in television shows are about homosexual parents/relationships. 

When the teacher described the trends this way, it really clicked with me. It is crazy to think that in about 60 years the trends in the family life have changed so much, and unfortunately, they have changed for the worst.